Alone in My Head

I feel so defeated lying here alone in my head.
Where is this hope I've sold my life for?
I've searched endless tunnels looking for the light.
I've come up empty on my own accord.

I've been looking for myself amidst the noise.
Now what I've found is the beginning and the end.
My search ends right here, at the feet of Truth.
I've found something worth living for.

Now as this journey turns into a race,
I'll keep on going til I see you face to face!

I'm a Hunted Man

Psalm 143:3
"The enemy hunts me down"

When an animal is hunted its body initiates its "Fight or Flight" Reflex. This reflex basically allows the animal to either FIGHT or FLEE with greater strength and stamina than usual!!!

In this high stress situation, when Fight or Flight is stimulated, animals have the choice to
fight or flee. Some animals, such as a bear or a lion, who are stronger and more apt to fight,
choose to fight. On the other hand some, such as a deer or a rabbit, who are not equipped to
fight, choose to flee. Or if an animal is stupid, it can just stand there and take whatever is coming to them. God has gifted all animals with this reflex, in order to survive when
hunted, including humans. When we are faced with trouble this same reflex is triggered.

God has gifted us with this response, but not only for physical use, but I believe for spiritual use too! Just as David says in Psalms, the enemy hunts us down. He does everything in His
power to get us down, beat us up, and keep us from God. Now when he pursues us, we have
a choice. We can just stand there and take a beating from Satan which leaves us depressed away from God! Or we can either stand up and fight with Gods supernatural strength, or flee the situation completely with Gods supernatural speed and stamina. Either way we have to make a choice to do something and not just stand there.

Taking this further I feel that we or at least I need to live my life in "Fight or Flight" mode all the time. It is essential to use it when we are under direct attack from the enemy, but I feel that if I live as if I'm always being hunted, then the devil will never be able to defeat me or catch me; because I am constantly fighting and running with Gods supernatural strength, speed, and stamina. He will never win, and I will never be pulled away from God.

Grace leads to Change

John 8:9-11

Hearing that, they walked away, one after another.
The woman was left alone.
Jesus stood up and spoke to her.
"Woman, where are they? Does no one condemn you?"
"No one, Master!"
"Neither do I" said Jesus. "Go on your way. From now on, don't sin."


What is the right method to lead a sinner down the road of change?

No matter what our intentions are, the effort of getting a sinner to change their ways and live a life of holiness and purity, can be frustrating!
And often this frustration can lead to judgment and condemnation.
Often not to the extent of stoning someone to death, as in the above story, but usually
within in our hearts;
which might just be worse!

Instead we should be like Jesus, who showed never ending grace and mercy.
Because Jesus showed grace and mercy instead of judging and condemning the woman,
respect was earned and the door was opened for Jesus to encourage the woman
to go live her life, without sinning.
I believe that the woman left and changed her life, striving to live a life pleasing to God,
because of the GRACE she received.

And I believe the same will happen today. If we show never ending grace and mercy
and never judge and condemn,
God will open the door for us to be able too encourage a life honoring God,
and people will
CHANGE!!

It must be noted that this does not just apply to non-Christians, but to Christians too, and to ourselves.
We know every little sin that we do, and sometimes it is easier to judge ourselves and condemn ourselves, rather than show mercy and grace to ourselves.
If we personally want to change, we must show ourselves grace and mercy, and receive the grace GOD is giving us too.
If we don't, not only will we continue to live a sinful life, but the personally judgment will lead
to depression!

I Can Confidently Say...

"Who believes what we've heard and seen? Who would have thought God's saving power would look like this?"
Isaiah 53:1
(Message)

I just returned from a missions trip to the LA Dreamcentre.
It was an amazing trip.
I was humbled in so many ways.
All because of how God revealed himself this week.

Just like the verse in Isaiah, the experiences from this past week and the ways God worked in us
and through us are
hard to believe that they actually happened!

The context of the verse in Isaiah is talking about the amazing way God
saved us through the death and ressurection of Jesus Christ
our
SAVIOUR!

But for me, today, it is about the amazing way God put
to death
all my fears, all my doubts, all my impurities
and ressurected my true self
and used me!!!

I feel that this week I found my heart again.
Throughout my life God has raised me to be a servant and
he has given me a servants heart.
But
recently I feel as if I have lost that heart.
My servanthood has decreased and my
intentions have deterred.

But I can confidently say that God has delivered me
from an empty heart
and has given me my true heart back to me.
I may have lost my heart but God found it straight away
and was waiting to give it back to me.
But I had to want it.

Also...
I have had my doubts...

about God!

But not anymore!!!!

This week Gods power was so undeniable!!

There are no other explanations apart from God, for things that happened!

I can say confidently
that I have no doubts about Gods existence and his power
because I have living proof!!

Talking to one of the students who went on the trip too and
also experienced the great power of God this week!!

She said "nothing can top what God did this week!!"

but I said to her, or God said to her through me,
that
GOD CAN TOP IT.
This is just the beginning!!!


So in reference to Isaiah
"Who believes what we've heard and seen?

I can confidently say that

I now BELIEVE what I have heard and have seen!!!

Gods power is endless
and it is at our disposal.

Just like God with my heart,
He is waiting for us to ask for his power.

And he will give it to us!!

Forget About the Stuff, Let Go of Everything and Just Go

MORE on Living a Life of Worshp in Gods Presence:

I've moved 4 times in my life.
From big, England to America,
to small, Apartment in San Jose to Apartment in San Jose.

Each time I moved I did the traditional purge of my stuff
and made the choice as to what goes with me
and what goes to the bin.

It can take a lot of time to do this, and can be
very overwhelming.
And it is hard to let go of some things.
Especially things that have been around for a long time;
even if we haven't used them in a while.

But sacrifice is needed.
Especially if where you are going cannot fit everything.



When, as I have been writing on the past couple of posts,
we start to live in GOD's presence, when we make GOD our home,
we have to spiritually move from wherever we are
to GODs presence.

And this move, just as a physical move,
requires purging.
In fact even more!

I believe that we need to leave everything behind
expect our heart.
This include our flesh, our desires, and
especially our baggage.

Why everything?
Because GODs presence is so thick and so consuming
that there is no room for anything
other than our
stripped down
bare
open
HEART!

God does not want
anything but
our heart.

Something that stops us from making GODs presence our home
is that we spend too much time trying to figure our what to
take with us
and what to leave.
We focus on the STUFF in our life.
and we struggle to make sacrifices.

We need to forget about the STUFF
LET GO of everything
and JUST GO!

"Worship as a Lifestyle"

Just had a revelation which totally ties in with my last journal. (Please Read Now - cheers)
BASICALLY the concept from my journal, is what WORSHIP is!!

Worship is about being in GODS presence. When we sing songs
and worship God musically we are really diving into GODS presence.
As I talked about in my journal, we are to make GODS presence our home--

and when we do this we are LIVING A LIFE OF WORSHIP!!


Obviously we've all heard the idea that worship isn't just music and singing
but it is a lifestyle--which is absolutely right.

Now I can say that a "worship lifestyle" looks like
LIVING IN GODS PRESENCE!!!

GOD IS MY HOME

When I tried to figure it out,
all I got was a splitting headache . . .
Until I entered the sanctuary of God.
Then I saw the whole picture
I'm in the very presence of God—
oh, how refreshing it is!
I've made Lord God my home.
Psalm 73

Sometimes life does not make sense.
Things go completely opposite to what we expect.
Sometimes God even does things we do not expect.
Things we just cannot understand on our own.

That is why, as Psalm 73 shows, it is important to be in Gods presence.
When we are in HIS presence God is able to reveal his plan to us
and make sense of things that are humanly confusing,
because Gods presence is spiritual and holy!

Furthermore, since we live in a world where things that we dont understand
occur constantly,
we should make Gods presence our 'home'!

A home is a place where we spend a lot of time and often leave.
Even though we leave our home, we always return.
A home is a place where we can rest and get 'refreshed'.
It is a place where we can think clearly and collect ourselves.
It is safe.
It is familiar.

God wants to be our home.
He wants HIS presence to be somewhere safe and familiar,
somewhere we can always return to and spend a lot of time and
think clearly, get answers,
rest
and be refreshed.

And if we want to survive in the world we live in
it would be wise to take God up on HIS offer!

with faith...

That promise of resting in him pulls us on to God's goal for us, we need to be careful that we're not disqualified. We received the same promises as those people in the wilderness, but the promises didn't do them a bit of good because they didn't receive the promises with faith.
Hebrews 4

God has promised us a home. It is a spiritual home.
Just like we need to have FAITH to believe in Gods existence,
because he cannot be seen by our physical eyes,
we need to have FAITH to trust
in this home God is offering to us.
As Hebrews 4 tells us
If we don't take this promise with FAITH
then we may be 'disqualified'
or we may miss out
on Gods
complete
presence!


Bottom Line: This world is crazy. God is offering himself as a refuge. Take advantage of it with FAITH!

Be like this!

TITUS 3

Respect the government
Be law-abiding
Always ready to lend a helping hand
No insults
No fights
Be bighearted
Be courteous.

BE LIKE THIS!

we used to be...

Stupid and stubborn
Dupes of sin
Ordered every which way by our glands
Going around with a chip on our shoulder
Hated and hating back.

DONT BE LIKE THIS AGAIN!

Because God, through Jesus, gave us GRACE.
and we were changed; turned new.
and it had nothing to do with us, it was all GOD!

1-2Remind the people to respect the government and be law-abiding, always ready to lend a helping hand. No insults, no fights. God's people should be bighearted and courteous.

3-8It wasn't so long ago that we ourselves were stupid and stubborn, dupes of sin, ordered every which way by our glands, going around with a chip on our shoulder, hated and hating back. But when God, our kind and loving Savior God, stepped in, he saved us from all that. It was all his doing; we had nothing to do with it. He gave us a good bath, and we came out of it new people, washed inside and out by the Holy Spirit. Our Savior Jesus poured out new life so generously. God's gift has restored our relationship with him and given us back our lives. And there's more life to come—an eternity of life! You can count on this.

Caution! "That Point" is Ahead!!

So don't be impressed with those who get rich
and pile up fame and fortune.
They can't take it with them;
fame and fortune all get left behind.
Just when they think they've arrived
and folks praise them because they've made good,
They enter the family burial plot
where they'll never see sunshine again.
Psalm 49:16-19

God has raised this as an issue in my life.
Honestly I want to be rich and I want
people to know me and my music. And
someday I want to have my own Aston
Martin and a nice house.
It is ok to desire these things, but to a
point. And I feel that God is warning me
that I am getting close to that point.

Outcry is in a very exciting season.
Many things we have dreamed of are

either here or are within touching distance.
We are writing and producing our own
songs which are being well received. We
are looking to record within the next 4 months.

And we are almost to the point where we are
able to support ourselves financially by playing
worship. Things are exciting, but when things
get exciting it is easy to lose sight of the things
that really matter. Like the fact that we really
don't deserve any of it, and it is by God's grace
alone that we are where we are at. Or the
hundreds of students that we minister to
every week. They are why we do what we do.

Being in a worship band, I need to make
sure that my motives are aligned with
God's. I need to make sure that even
though I want to make money and be
known from my music, that the most
important thing about what I do is the
lives that God will be able to touch
through myself and my music.

And I believe that if I have this heart,
and if I keep God at the center of
my ministry he will bless me beyond
satisfaction.

Modern Gifts

"God works in all of us in everything we do."
1 Cor 12:6
Spiritual Gifts: 1 Cor 12:8-10


This is my Modern Interpretation of the Gifts of the Spirit
------
I feel that there is some disconnect when it comes to our understanding of the Gifts of the Spirit. They can be hard to understand, especially for new believers, and even when we do understand, it is hard to relate them to our lives.
My interpretation is straight from my heart, with little research, so flaws will be found, but this is something that helps me and maybe will help others.
I also feel that this interpretation helps take the gifts out of the church exclusive, and into the world throughout; which is what I feel God intended--1 Cor 12:6

Gift: ability to speak with wisdom = ability to give counsel.
Speaking with wisdom is giving people right direction in their lives based on what we know. We gain wisdom through our life experiences, taking the lessons that we have learnt with us, passing them on to others. This is speaking with wisdom. This is something that anyone can do, since we all experience life, but God has gifted specific people with the ability to channel wisdom and help other people. This Gift of the Spirit points specifically to counselors. This could be a Christian counselor or a psychiatrist who is a Christian . Therefore this gift can be used inside and outside of the church.

Gift: ability to speak knowledge = ability to teach.
We gain knowledge through learning; we learn from teachers. This is our system to knowledge. Now, we don't learn everything from teachers. For example, we can do our own research and learn something on our own, especially with the internet. However, someone had to teach us how to use a computer and how to research.
God has gifted specific people with the ability to take knowledge and teach it to others. This can be a pastor who teaches the Bible from the pulpit or a 10th grade teacher, who is a Christian, teaching algebra to teenagers. Both are anointed with the gift of teaching.

Gift: healing and power to do miracles = medicine and science
This is a tricky one, because I know that not everyone who is healed is healed by medicine and science, and miracles come directly from God. I know this personally. My brother in 1997 joined the Marine Corps. A couple of months into training, my brother had an allergic reaction to the vaccinations he was given. After a few days of sickness he was paralyzed from the chest down. Doctors said he would never walk again, and at best he would have to live out his life in a wheelchair. After much prayer and faith, my brother walked out of the hospital 4 months later. Since he has worked to a near full recovery. Doctors did not help my brother, God did!
Even though I do believe with all my heart that medicine and science did not heal my brother, I also believe that God uses his believers within these fields for His purpose of healing and miracles.
People who are able to comprehend the complexity of transplants, save peoples lives. People who are able to understand the mechanisms of our earth can save thousands of lives. I believe that God has a huge hand in medicine and science, and that doctors and scientists who are devoted to HIM have the ability to heal people and the power to do miracles.
I believe that my brother is one of these people. Since his recovery, my brother has become a registered nurse and is worked full time as someone who saves peoples lives.

Gift: Faith = simple trust
Someone who has simple trust is someone who just believes, without question. Some people have this ability. They don't need to ask questions, and they rarely have doubt. These people stand as reminders to those who this does not come easy for. They stand as a reminder that sometimes all we need is simple trust, or faith like a child.
And children are who I feel are the CONSTANT reminder of faith in the church and in the world.
Children have this gift mastered and adults have a lot to learn from these little reminders.
God has gifted children with simple trust.

Gift: Prophecy = Visionary + Dream Releaser
We don't often see Biblical prophets nowadays. I actually believe that the Old Testament Biblical prophet model is irrelevant for us because Jesus opened the door for God to talk straight to every believer with his death on the cross. I believe that every believer has this form of prophecy; and by this I mean the ability to hear God.
Now I see a different twist on prophet. I see a modern day prophet as someone who is future minded. Someone who can raise up, encourage, and support people in their futures. I see them as a visionary. Someone who dreams big and has great optimism about what God is going to do. Then they are dream releaser's. They help people find God's calling, God's future, for them and then do everything in their power to support that person and their purpose. I know that God has gifted people the ability to raise up others and send them on their way fully equipped. You see these people in churches, as the ones who help other believers find their purpose in Christ, and you see them in the business world, as influential leaders who raise up more influential leaders.

Gift: Ability to distinguish between spirits = ability to make Godly decisions
People who have the Gift and Discernment are led by the spirit to black and white decisions as to what is right and what is wrong. These people find it easy to make moral judgments; because they sense right and wrong according to God.
I believe that the best arena for these people to be in are in roles in which decisions need to made. I see this as the justice system. I believe that God has placed people who believe in Him within justice systems around the world, because they know true right and wrong, and will make sound, Godly decisions led by the spirit.

Gift: Speaking in different kind of tongues = evangelism + missions
I see speaking in tongues as the ability to speak! And even further the ability to speak in foreign languages. When someone has this gift, they are able to connect with people through language. This is best paralleled with evangelism and missions. Talking to people about Christ is talking in a tongue, and talking to people in foreign countries is talking in a foreign tongue. God has gifted people with great speaking skills, great social skills, and/or the ability the comprehend and communicated multiple languages. This is the gift of tongues.

I believe that all believers have the potential to fulfill all of these Gifts, since the Gifts are of the Spirit, and the Spirit lives in all of us. However the Bible teaches us that some will have certain Gifts and others will have other ones. And all of them together work to create the church; which is solid within its physical walls but also reaches out into our dying world.

Remember

Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul?
Why are you crying the blues? Why so disturbed within me?
Fix my eyes on God— Put your hope in God,
soon I'll be praising again.
He puts a smile on my face.
He's my savior and my God.
My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you.
Psalm 42:5 (NIV+Message Combination)


There are times in my life when I just feel depressed. I feel down and feel as if life has lost its value. Many times, when this happens to me, I have no idea why I am so depressed or what is causing it; it just is!
When I get this way I have a tendency to wallow. I find it hard to get the desire to find a solution. And when I just dwell in this depression it gets worse and it feels like the solution is even further away.
All along I know that God is the solution, but it is so hard to find a way to it that meets me where I am at.
I feel that God has gifted me with this passage. Because this is the means to the solution that makes sense when I am depressed.
It says "fix your eyes on God, put your hope in HIM"
Thats good, but not quite real enough for me.
What does it really mean to fix your eyes on God?
Initially I see this as looking forward with hope and optimism that God will pull through for you and pull you out. But how do you look forward when it is so hard for you to see anything in the first place.
Then it says"my soul is downcast, therefore I will REMEMBER you!"
Now that hits home.
I cant look forward, so look back. Look back at all the things God has done for you. Look back at all the times he has pulled you our before. And remember GOD.
As I remember all the God things in my life, I start to feel alive again. I start praising God again. And
God puts a smile on my face!!!

YOU WANT MIRACLES.....

"Sanctify yourselves. Tomorrow God will work miracle-wonders among you."
Joshua 3:5



God has promised us miracles. He has the power and we have the faith. But first, before we can see, recieve, and participate in these miracles, we must be SANCTIFIED!!
Sanctified can be a complicated word to understand. It is a word that is passed around the church and I feel loses its meaning on many occasions.
That is why I have attempted to do some research on the word and really flesh out the meaning so I can fully understand what it means to be sanctified.

Sanctified:
...to be pure and free from sin...
...to give reverence or respect...
dictionary.com

καθαγιάζω - to consecrate
to devote or dedicate to some purpose
νομιμοποιώ - to legalize
to give legal validity (to make well grounded)

Holiness
The most common understanding of sanctification is to be holy or without sin. This definition points us to the fact that Jesus was completely sanctified. And as Christians we do need to strive to be like Jesus, therefore sanctified, free from all sin; but we also know that this is impossible, therefore we need to get our hearts in a place of true desire and genuine effort to gain complete sanctification.

lets go deeper

Respeck
Part of sanctification is giving God the respect and awe He deserves. God deserve our reverence simply because He is God, but I feel a good route to achieve this is through the reality of our first definition; the fact that we cannot be completely sanctified but Jesus and God IS. Achieving holiness is a daunting task, because of our human nature always will fail. So we experience how hard it is, and what it takes to achieve it. And we know that Jesus and God are the masters of it.
Its like trying to solve a near impossible math equation. You struggle with it for hours and you never see the light at the end of the tunnel. Then you meet someone who can instantly solve it. Because you know how hard it is through experience, you have great respect for that person who can do it.

more

Devotion
When someone achieves something you cannot, not only are they worthy of your respect but they are also a person to study and learn from. In our case with God, He is worthy of our devotion; because he is all things we are not. The third part of sanctification is being fully committed to God and his purpose for your life. God knows the absolute best solution to every situation in our lives; and if we are devoted to Him and His calling when He we make it clear to us. Imagine a company. The CEO, JIM, knows what is best for the company and its employers, that is why is makes the decisions and why he is CEO. Now along comes BOB, who works for a competitor. He asks the CEO to tell him the answer to a problem his company is having. The CEO has the solution but would never tell him. The only way BOB will find out the solution is if he commits to JIMS company.
The only way we will find out the solutions to all our problems, and the right direction to go in life , is if we commit to God. As soon as we devote ourselves to God he will tells us everything we need to know.

last one

Valid
The last piece of understanding is a Greek translation, which says to legalize. Which simply means to make valid. So to be sanctified means that our lives need to be valid. I think another way to say this is that we need to have authentic faith. We need make sure that our faith is well grounded in Jesus Christ and that our hearts are free of ulterior motives. Our hearts and our lives need to be set on Jesus and achieving Gods purpose in our lives.

therefore

"Sanctify yourselves. Tomorrow God will work miracle-wonders among you."

means

Strive for holiness. Give God the respect He is worthy of. Devote yourself to God and his plan. And have authentic faith.
Then you will see the hand of God working miracles!!!
CHEERS

GENUINE MINISTRY brings GENUINE RESPONSE

Its been awhile, but here it is.

"A God you can depend upon, no exceptions,
a straight-arrow God." Deuteronomy 32:4

"You'll remember, friends, that when I first came to you to let you in on God's master stroke, I didn't try to impress you with polished speeches and the latest philosophy. I deliberately kept it plain and simple: first Jesus and who he is; then Jesus and what he did—Jesus crucified.God's Spirit and God's power did it, which made it clear that your life of faith is a response to God's power, not to some fancy mental or emotional footwork by me or anyone else." 1 Corinthians 2:1-2+5


When it comes to effective ministry, for me, leading worship, it is better to be as GOD is with us: completely genuine. A lot of the time it is hard not to desire to impress the people you are ministering to. Because our human nature sometimes thinks that if someone is impressed with who we are or what we do, then we have more of a right to minister to them. The thing we fail to realize is that being completely genuine is way more effective; simply because it allows room for the Holy Spirit to impress. And when this happens, when we get out of the way and allow the Holy Spirit to to do his work, the response, from the people we are ministering to, is more genuine; because they are responding to God, and not people.

So the bottom line is:
GENUINE MINISTRY brings GENUINE RESPONSE